February 20, 2009
Article from JT-Racine: Ex-Maytag repairman did less work than he claimed
I feel this guy got hosed bigtime. Based upon the Maytag claims, you know the commercials which show the old repairman doing nothing because Maytags dont need to be fixed, this guy should have been found NOT GUILTY.
“A former Maytag repairman who claimed to do more work than he really did was found guilty in federal court Thursday of 36 counts of wire fraud for submitting fraudulent repair claims.
Darin Jerome French, the owner of an appliance store in Incline Village, had a contract with Maytag Corp. to fix appliances under warranty in 2006 and 2007, according to a federal indictment.
By using serial numbers he copied from washers and dryers at local retail outlets such as Lowe’s and Fry’s Electronics, he submitted the false claims for repairs and travel expenses to the company that once advertised the dependability of its appliances by describing the Maytag repairman as “the loneliest guy in town.”"
Apparently he was off the hook until Whirlpool acquired Maytag in 2006. You see, Whirlpools shit breaks down all the time, so if you dont fix it, it dont work. Brilliant.
“Kelley Deanna Moore, a record keeper for Maytag at the time, said some of French’s billings came into question when Maytag was bought by Whirlpool Corp. in 2006. “
I guess the not guilty by claim association went out the window in 2006, when Maytag got bought. Poor bastard, he might have a good thing going today…
February 20th, 2009 in
Humor,
Law | tags:
fraud,
maytag,
whirlpool |
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February 13, 2009
Article from JT Racine: Woman’s record-length fingernails broken in crash
Now this is something to shoot for. She was growing these puppies since 1979? Those or Generation X fingernails for crying out loud.
“SALT LAKE CITY – A Utah woman listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for her long fingernails has lost them in a car crash. Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City sustained serious but non-life-threatening injuries in the accident Tuesday.
Record-setting fingernails
Redmond’s nails, which hadn’t been cut since 1979, were broken in the crash. According to the Guinness Web site, her nails measured a total of more than 28 feet long in 2008, with the longest nail on her right thumb at 2 feet, 11 inches.
Salt Lake County Sheriff’s Lt. Don Hutson says Redmond was ejected from an SUV in the crash and taken to the hospital in serious condition.
Redmond has been featured on TV in episodes of “Guinness Book of World Records” and “Ripley’s Believe It or Not.”"
In any case you hate to see anyone get hurt in a major car accident. Let’s hope she recovers and has another 30 years in her to set another fingernail-length record.
And from WikiPedia: “She currently resides in Salt Lake City, where she enjoys riding bikes with her younger sister Sierra (who has nails of normal length). She states that while certain activities such as putting on a heavy coat can be troublesome, she manages her daily life without much difficulty. On the Guinness TV feature, she has been shown driving a car, vacuuming, doing dishes, and giving haircuts to her grandchildren. She adds that her long nails don’t even interfere with her care of her husband who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease.” Incredible.
January 30, 2009
Inspired by this article in the NYTimes: Serotonin may be key to controlling Locusts
Serotonin May Be Key to Controlling Party-goers
The ubiquitous neurotransmitter, which moderates all kinds of behaviors in all kinds of animals (including locusts), has now been shown to be responsible for turning desert-dwelling humans from stand-offish loners into super-high party-goers.
The discovery, published today in Raver magazine, may lead to methods to block the formation of desert parties. These events, which can cover a few acres and involve hundreds of pill-munching crackheads, can cause noise-pollution and cost thousands of dollars to throw.
As dwindling supplies of ecstasy, ketamine, mushrooms, acid, and whatever else they can get their hands on force humans to party in groups, the party-goers shift in just a few hours from a solitary phase, in which they avoid other humans, to a mutual attraction phase, in which they start dancing and hugging in ever-large groups. Earlier research discovered the sensory stimuli behind this shift: the sight and smell of other humans, and movement of the hips and torsos as the humans dance with each other. (In addition to the behavioral shift, the partier’s appearance often changes, right before their eyes.)
The new research, by Michael L. Analsty of the Bureau of Land Management, Stephen M. Rectums, now of the US Forest Service, and colleagues, shows the chemical basis for the change in behavior.
The researchers discovered the time frame for the behavioral change correlated well with an increase in serotonin in the brain. They then showed if the production or action of serotonin was blocked in solitary humans, those party-goers would never drive to multiple map locations.
“To us this really was the Eureka! moment,” Dr. Analsty said in a telephone news conference announcing the finding. Scientists had struggled to understand party behavior for decades, he said, “and now all of a sudden we understand the process enough to stop it from happening.”
Dr. Rectums said the discovery opens a line of research into ways of blocking specific serotonin receptors, “something that would allow us to stop these parties before they turn on the generator.”
January 30, 2009
Article from CNN: Monument to Bush show-throwing shines at Iraqi Orphanage
It flat out does not get any better than this. The Iraqis may often be accused of not moving fast to re-build their country, but if you need a copper sculpture whipped out in a few weeks, hit them up.
“A huge sculpture of the footwear hurled at President Bush in December during a trip to Iraq has been unveiled in a ceremony at the Tikrit Orphanage complex.
Shoe Monument
Assisted by children at the home, sculptor Laith al-Amiri erected a brown replica of one of the shoes hurled at Bush and Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki by journalist Muntadhir al-Zaidi during a press conference in Baghdad.”
“The shoe monument, made of fiberglass and coated with copper, consists of the shoe and a concrete base. The entire monument is 3.5 meters (11.5 feet) high. The shoe is 2.5 meters (8.2 feet) long and 1.5 meters (4.9 feet) wide.
The orphans helped al-Amiri build the $5,000 structure — unveiled Tuesday — in 15 days, said Faten Abdulqader al-Naseri, the orphanage director.”
Although we may find this quite humorous, make no mistake of the point these Iraqis are trying to make. the do not like Bush, at all. The fact someone felt compelled to spend five grand to build this thing – which is probably like fifty grand here – says something about the level of disdain the Iraqi people have for Bush. The problem is, we as Americans also look bad because we were responsible for allowing this idiot to run our country for eight years.
Al-Zaidi, the guy who hurled the “Size 10″ at Bush back in December is still jailed and awaiting trial. Rest assured the Iraqi people won’t take lightly to having this guy held for an extended period of time. Let’s hope he gets off with a little community service and not a noose around his neck. If he does get the noose, we must ask ourselves what was the point of invading Iraq in the first place? Oh yea, WMD. I think the shoe had traces of anthrax on it.
Wii Shit – “How will you move it?”
The active-play phenomenon started by Wii Sports now spreads to your bowel thanks to Wii Shit and the pressure-sensitive Wii Toilet Seat, which comes bundled with it. Used together players will experience an extensive array of fun, dynamic and surprisingly challenging “craptivites,” including; standard bowel movements, colonic and extensive reading sessions. The focus of these “craptivities” is towards providing a “core” bowel movement experience, a popular shitting method which emphasizes slower, controlled movements, but it’s the fun approach of Wii Shit that will keep “shitters” hooked on shitting for years to come.
The Wii Shit Toilet Seat
The primary tenet of Wii Shit is gravity. Your center of gravity, the point between your left and right butt cheeks when you sit, has a lot to do with the size of your ass. Those without an even center of gravity will be unnaturally compensating for this imbalance, which causes their shit to become misaligned, increasing the possibility of not hitting the mark. This is where the Wii Toilet Seat comes in.
Similar in appearance to a standard toilet seat, the Wii Toilet Seat is much, much more. Easily capable of supporting weights up to a maximum of 1600 pounds, it is sturdy and precise, able to measure weight before and after releasing the hounds. This advanced level of sensitivity allows for both the wide range of craptivities found in the Wii Shit software as well as the toilet seat’s amazing ability to recognize individual players by their ass alone.
Brown log, reading material, and colonic attachment sold separately.
“Wii Shit” purchase limit policy
As you may know, the Nintendo “Wii Shit” is in great demand, and there are shortages of this product across the U.S. In an effort to provide as many customers as possible with the opportunity to purchase a “Wii Shit”, we are limiting the total number of “Wii Shit” units to be purchased. As a result, each household may only purchase (2) Nintendo “Wii Shit” units within any 30-day period.
Coming in 2010!
Wii Tit – suckle to your hearts content; console an infant, leave your husband alone for the weekend, everyone is happy with the Wii Tit!
We do not expect to have a shortage on the Wii Tit, but you really should pre-order starting in May 2009. Don’t hesitate, if you pre-order a Wii Tit, we will throw in a second tit free. Nothing better than a set of tits!
