The ‘First Zit’ Popped. The Country Mourns.

January 5, 2009

Article from CNN: ‘First cat’ dies

After reading the article linked above, I couldn’t help myself. How ridiculous is this? The newsworthiness of this story is questionable, at best. Iv’e got one better, methinks…

‘First Zit’ Popped. President George Bush and his family sat around the breakfast table this morning, reminiscing about the ‘Zit’ that was. You see, President Bush has not been practicing great hygeine of late and the dirt has taken it’s toll. Late last night, just before he tucked himself into the ‘First Bed,’ President Bush noticed a rather immense amount of pain eminating from above his eyebrow, left side, ever-so close to the bridge of that witchy-looking nose of his.

He slipped into the ‘First bathroom’ unnoticed to take a peak and quickly realized he had a monster on his hands. The ‘Fist Zit’ was the size of a pencil eraser head, colored milky-white to the head, and pulsating with redness infection at the base.

After peering with amazement at this gentle giant for about ten solid minutes, the President went to work on relocating the beast from his forehead to the ‘First Mirror.’  Three prolonged squeezes and a quick pinch later and the deed was done. However, the President was not fully prepared for the psychological trauma which ensued. He was so disappointed with himself and distraut over the loss of such a beautiful bundle of puss-ie goodness that he scraped the ‘First Zit’ off the ‘First Mirror’ and slipped it smoothly into the ‘First Jar,’ which also holds the ‘First Bunnion’ and ‘First Dingleberry.’