Breaking News: McCain Spying for the Vietnamese.

October 31, 2008

Article by FactFace: The War Hero Suffers from Stockholm Syndrome and has been Secretly Spying for the Communists.

A FactFace investigation team has uncovered details of the 40-year relationship John McCain has been harboring with Vietnamese Communists. Captured in 1967 after being shot down over Hanoi, McCain was subject to torture and five years of maltreatment while being held at the infamous “Hanoi Hilton.” While a captive it is believed McCain suffered from Stockholm Syndrome, in which a captive becomes compassionate toward the captors cause.

Details of McCains relationship with the Communists came to light when a FactFace investigator traced cellphone records and email conversations from John McCain to known Communist Vietnamese sources. The content of these discussions will not be disclosed because of the potential backlash to the esteemed combat veteran. In short, it is now known McCain has been using new and established technologies to communicate with these Communists and has been trading secrets for Vietnamese egg rolls.

This relationship first came to light in 2004 as sources close to McCain noticed his lower cheek areas looked to be filled and were protruding outwards like a turtle. During a drunken tirade at a family gathering, a friend noticed a brown-colored pastry-like substance shoot out of his mouth and land on his $100,000 Persian rug. Concerned, the friend had the material tested in a local laboratory and it was determined via DNA analysis the content was from a adolescent Labrador Retriever.

Concerned, the friend contacted a staffer here at FactFace, which set the wheels in motion. For the better part of four years the FactFace team has been working diligently to track all leads. The defining moment came late last year when an independent investigator found dungeons on five of the properties owned by McCain and his wife. Although no living prisoners were found analysis on bone fragments found at two of the locations indicated “Real” Americans had been held there against their will.

At this time FactFace has turned over all evidence to the Federal authorites and an internal investigation is now in the works. If you should have any additonal evdience about this case, please contact your local congressman or senator.

1 Comment

tkrosh says: 3 November 2008 - 8:14 am

The Onion would be proud of you, FactFace.